


Bill Cypher Peers Around

by Kennaye



Category: Gravity Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25569472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kennaye/pseuds/Kennaye
Summary: Another fic written during a manic fit, but I'll actually take it seriously. Probably.
Kudos: 3





	Bill Cypher Peers Around

Those familiar with Bill Cypher were familiar with his limitations; that being unable to manifest on the mortal plane. He had to possess people, typically, to be able directly affect it at all. This is why he made his deals, crafty as they were. But how did he know how to expertly manipulate these mortals? Was he all knowing, omnipotent like a God?

"Hehehe it's not that deep." Bill laughed and flew around. While he's not all knowing, he would call himself mostly known. Which means he's aware of you, dear reader.

"I know a lotta stuff but millenia upon millenia will do that to ya, you humans still believe in concepts of time like those right?" His single eye raised. 

"My secret is actually quiet simple. So simple some would call it genius!" Bill abruptly changed to a red hue and faced you, reader. "At least, they would if they wanted to be on my good sign." The tone went as quick as it came, and Bill manifested in Gravity Falls.

"Manifested? Cmon writer, that's misleading." Bill slapped his knee."I'm no more physical on this plane than you are, buuuuut I can observe to my hearts content. Remember when I made little pine tree float around for awhile? It's like that but more restrictive." He leaned back and kicked his legs up. "I wouldn't think too hard about it, it makes more sense if you don't."

The scene suddenly changes to the inside of the Mystery Shack Lobby. Soos sits at the counter, unaware of either of your presences. He's moving a nickel idly between his hands, which one would think would be boring but his incessant giggling implied otherwise.

"See this guy's one of my favorites. Always a barrel of laughs, and not just because of his shape and constant mouth noises!" Bill flew around Soos' head. "He's the kind of innocently ignorant that even I almost feel bad about the forthcoming apocalypse shattering him. Almost." Bill made a squeezing jester with his fingers as the door to the Shack opened.

Grunkle Stan waltzed in in a manner that was over the top even for the classic conman. "Soos, my favorite employee!"

"I thought Wendy was your favorite because you trusted her not to eat the stickers shaped like foods." Soos replied, not catching on even after all these years.

"Pfft, what? When would I have ever said that." Grunkle Stan slapped Soos's back. Bill rolled his eye at how hard Stan was trying.

"When I ate all of the stickers because I thought they tasted like they looked." Soos, ever innocent, answered with absolute honesty.

Grunkle Stan laughed in such an over exaggerated fashion it would've made anyone more aware of social norms wince. "Soos, Soos. I was just joking around. Joshin ya, jabbin ya jibs, you know what I mean?"

"No." In many ways, this was the most elegant answer anyone could've given to an older person trying to invent slang on the fly.

"Well, nevermind that then. Listen buddy, I need to ask you a favor-"

"Like a best friend favor?" Soos cut Stan off before he could finish the full sentence. Stan's eye twitched with obvious frustration, but the seasoned scammer knew when to roll with something.

"Yeeeeah. Like...very okay acquaintances in certain situations!" Stan put his arm around Soos and brought his face close. "I need your social security card."

"Oh, sorry but I don't have socials." Unrelated to anything going on, Bill floated around the room making rude gestures towards Stan.

"You-, you what?" Stan was dumbfounded. He actually hadn't expected to be turned down at all, but Soos not even having a card was so out of left field even he broke his charade.

"Yeah dood." Soos nodded."My abuela says smartphones are what corrupted her husband when he was around so she won't let me get one. I don't have any of them; Facebook, Twitter, Snap-"

"No, no Soos not social media." Stan barked, obviously frustrated already. "I need your social security CARD. You...you do know what that is right?"

"Is it like Yu-Gi-Oh but with websites? I don't get it dood but I'm all in."

"N-no." Stan slapped his palm into his face. The only weakness to a conman wasn't the super intelligent who could see through their acts, but rather those too unaware to be scammed. "Cmon, you need it to apply for jobs! Didn't you use it to apply here?"

Soos thought for a little bit, then shook his head. "When I applied you just told me to show up the next day and something about not wanting to leave a paper trail." 

Stan smiled, but even you could feel how hard he cringed. "Okay, buddy. How about we go to your house and look for it then?"

"Who'll run the store though?"

"This old dump?" Stan turned the sign to closed. "It's a Wednesday in July. Nobody is coming. This is more important anyway, cmon." Stan walked briskly out the door and Soos followed soon after. He was just happy to have a best friends hangout day.

"Huh." Bill remarked. "That was actually pretty boring. Usually the big guy catches something on fire." He turned to face you. "Well, it's a big town. Let's hit the strip. We could go see the lazy eye girl burn herself with hot coffee, maybe hit up the illegal gnome fights in the forest."

Bill rattled off locations, but then suddenly stopped. "I know! Let's go visit my latest little helper. He's at some Lumber Girl's house, that's always hilarious!


End file.
